Doubts and Uncertainty - Is it enough to live vicariously through others?

24 June (Friday)

I thought I should start a new blog as a way to document my journey for the next year. Its been a while since I've last written but I thought this might be a good way to reflect on the journey that I am about to embark on and could possibly aid my writing of the report come end of PDL.

For context, I am about to start on a year long work-holiday experience in Australia. It's been on my mind for some time now and COVID made that a real possibility to embark on it while being financial secured. I applied for the WHV462 at the end of 2020, slightly before my 31st birthday with the intention to go at the start of 2022. Due to the COVID delay in granting visa, it was only approved late 2021 which gave me more time to wait for the re-opening of the borders before flying in to Australia.

Cutting out the long drawn out admin between then till now, I was finally given the green light to go ahead to Australia late last week and begin my PDL - thus the URL.

Being given the go-ahead a week before my proposed departure meant that everything had to be pushed back slightly. My actual departure is now 5 July 2022 (instead of the proposed 27 June 2022). The past week had been hectic - deciding where we should start (Perth), booking our flights (Scoot), settling our 1st week accoms (Airbnb), booking our car rental for the 1st week (No Birds), arranging my IPPT to be taken for the year and finally applying to defer my upcoming In-Camp-Training. These were just some of the major administrative matters that had hinged on the decision of a few good people over at VITAL and HQ.

Next is the issue of packing and arranging to catch up with friends before our flight; for it could be up to a year before we see each other in person again. All of this for next week. 

There was a lot of uncertainty leading up to the end of June holidays. Would I have the guts to actually embark on this journey? What if I couldn't find a job? What if I get injured with all the manual work I imagine myself doing? What if they don't grant me the leave? Would I really resign? Would I DARE to resign? What are my options after I return? Would I return? How much would I lose in terms of career progression? Would I regret this 1 year? Is this really an opportunity that I have convinced myself it is? There was a lot of self-doubt, a lot of anxiety, a lot of moments of resignation then perceived clarity. These feelings come in cycles and depending on the day/ time of day you ask me, I could range from really confident of what I intend to do, to having absolutely no idea what I will be doing. Everyone around me seem to encourage the pursuit of this endeavour, an opportunity, as they call it. But there is also this element of risk involved. And while I get to potentially enjoy the benefits this opportunity might bring, I also bear all the risk.

Sometimes I wonder if it is simply enough for me to live vicariously through others. Reflecting on some of the major decisions that I have made in life thus far, I think I have the answer to that question. That means I've got to bear the risk and be ready to deal with the consequences, come what may.